| I can't sleep
I can't read
And I really can't update my facebook status cuz I did that 3 times already today and I'm trying to kick my addiction plus discontinue the bombardment of forging friendships via the internet.
However.
Here I go.
Xangified. D
u
de.
I like ponies. No I don't. I mean I do, but don't give me any. I have a whole bagful of ponies just sitting around that I'm trying to get rid of and it's all because all through High School I kept saying "I like ponies." Therefore, everyone knew what to get me as a gift.
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| my cars brakes don't woooooooooooooooork
I don't have much moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
what do I doooooooooooooooooooo?
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| I'm a little slow on the uptake but I get there eventually.
I've been having such a looooooong week and I like it! I'm tired but it's a good tired-- an "I've been so productive" tired.
So last night was my night to relax and recharge so I thought I'd engage in an activity that I don't do often-- watch television. So I'm flipping through channels and I see on Spike tv that SNAKES ON A PLANE is on! Woohoo, I finally get to see what all the hype...was...about. I expected a really stupid and pointless film. I discovered I'm just jumpy and reactive, squeamish and ridiculous!
So yeah. Now I'm paranoid that animals are going to jump out and attack me. This morning I thought I heard the pitter patter of scratching paws coming from my closet. Oh god, is there a mouse? Maybe the mouse has been provoked by some cheese or my music taste and will leap at my neck and kill me!
Nope. It was just raindrops. |
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| Wow!
Two years ago today I had my Mary Kay debut. Having been in (and out) of the business for 2 Calendar years has really earmarked a definite season of my life. At the beginning of this season I was astounded by all the possibilities the company held for me. As I discovered more, I became more passionate. Then I would let that passion explode all over this here xanga of mine, semi-apologetic for feeling as though I was promoting my own business and the career opportunity on a blog that was supposed to be solely for personal reflection.
Or the beginnings of complicating relationships.
And spurring drama.
Or just lobbying for attention.
However, all personal agendas aside, I really can look back two years ago and see how much I've grown. On the other hand, I can see where I still need to grow.
Two years ago today I stood aside Nicole as she was demonstrating the product, keeping my mouth mostly shut, my voice shaking if I did chime in.
By July 2008 I'd done countless skin care classes and facials mostly in college dorms and apartments. I had learned how to confidently lead a demonstration as well as how to meet the needs of people I was in front of, exposing them to products they would fall in love with and treating them with care, making them feel important. Some appointments in the afternoon and early evening and some that didn't even end until midnight.
Now, July 2009 I have continued to hold classes and individual makeovers but not just in college dorms and apartments. In houses with single moms, in the union bathroom, in hair salons breakrooms, and in the messiest of places, the most disgusting environments that exemplify the meaning of "trailer trash" making me feel eternally grateful for the wonderful family I have who values cleanliness and stewarding our belongings and entertaining guest with hospitality.
The summer of 2007 marked the end of probably the worst season of my life as an RA. I had spent the whole year sleep deprived, way too eager to please authority, tired, emotional and unstable. I had gone through a series of relationship-related disasters that left me empty, dessicated and hungry for change in my 19 year old, messed up self.
The summer of 2008: I bid farewell to a man of 19 who was probably just as messed up as I was that previous summer. I kept my heart mostly guarded and raised a few standards I had for men. I began insisting on being asked out on a date, picked up, paid for, and dropped off without much more than a kiss.
Now I am in a non dating season of my life, holding back on all attractions I feel for men.
July 2007: I had just begun driving my mother's 4 cylinder 1994 Ford Escort that she passed along to me. The pickup was (and continues to be) very slow. Not wanting to take a risk, I held off on making a quick left turn at a busy intersection. An SUV condenscendingly honked at me for not taking the opportunity. I slammed my forehead down on the steering wheel as the light turned red and peered through tear-blurred eyes all the way home.
I never drove any longer than about 45 minute trips.
July 2008: I discovered the art of condensing my trips between home and Bowling Green. I was running on an average of 1/4 tank of gas, refueling only when I absolutely had to and only putting in about $10 at a time. I still hadn't taken a long trip on purpose but I had accidently turned a journey from Waseon to Bowling Green into a 3 hour car ride. I wanted to die.
Now I liberally drive everyone everywhere! I have driven to a and from New Knoxville about 3 times. I have made bajillions of trips to and from Bowling Green on a mostly daily basis for about 10 months. I don't have a stereo in my car.
In July 2007 I opened up the book of Matthew pledging to read the entire New Testament over the summer. I learned to love my neighbor and do well unto others. I stopped dumping my problems on everyone that had two ears. I started to shove aside any negatie feelings I had. I would bottle them up and then let them explode on closer, nearer friends. My crying spells were further between but still existant. I reached the end of Matthew with details about Jesus' crucifixion. I was so depressed from reading about it that I gave up my mission of reading the New Testament.
By July 2008 my intense fits faded yet most of my life was sort of blanketed by a mild, bored, complacent yet unhappy lethargy.
Now I've been able to visit my bible daily and soak up what God's love letter has for me. I keep mostly to myself or vent to a handful of good friends.
By July 2007 I had only flown twice. Once to Florida when I was 8 and once to Texas when I was 17 for the Advanced Class Special.
In July 2008 I borded an airplane all by myself, paid for shuttles and tipped drivers without the assistance of mommy.
In July 2007 I think I weighed like 125lbs.
July 2008, around 130
Today, no comment.
There's more. But I'm done.
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| I was sleeping beautifully. Then I was roused from my sleep by the sound of laundry being done. Yes laundry. Our washer makes loud sounds. Especially at midnight when you're trying to sleep.
Thanks mom. I am eating your popcorn without permission now.
Take care.
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